


Words Unspoken (But With Hearts Wide Open)

by twinSky



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Introspection, M/M, how to say three words without actually ever saying them, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:32:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8100823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinSky/pseuds/twinSky
Summary: Sometimes, it is what we don't say that speaks the loudest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I like the idea of Neil and Andrew saying 'I love you' I can't see them ever saying it  
> If they ever did it would be Neil; never in important moments but during the mundane, whispered groggily as he wakes up and sees Andrew already awake there beside him, curled up at Andrew's side on a lazy Sunday morning said casually between sentences -it is not a big deal, he doesn't want to make a big deal, to say it in a moment that might cheapen it or make it seem false.
> 
> I digress, I could go on, but that's not the point of this fic you aren't here to read my ramblings before even starting it.

He had not been raised on _‘I love you’s’_.

Nathaniel had been raised on cold eyes and a laughing face, on too sharp knives pressed into his hands paired with whispered taunting words, on anything that could scar seared into his skin like a promise.

Matthew had been raised with fear like a hand on his back, the constant whisper of what could come like a broken record at his side and the word ‘run’ spoken reverently.

Alex has been raised on heavy hands and hard eyes that came from a stern voice that snarled to keep focus and not let distractions in.

Stefan had been raised on foreign words that became clearer every day, on jumping at shadows because beyond every dark corner could be his final moments.

Kyle had been raised knowing to fear his father but learning to be wary of his mother too.

Evan had been raised on manic, paranoid eyes that looked at him like he was salvation and damnation in the same breath; he took solace in them because there was nothing else to do.

Neil is too old to be raised, but he had what he had learned, and he would have what he _would_ learn and somewhere in all that he would grow and become more than he thought he could.

Neil had not been raised on ' _I love you’s'_ but he would learn to piece together what it was. 

.

…

…..

…….

…..

…

.

I love you is;

The weight of a key in his hand as it is pressed against his palm, the ridges it leaves as he clutches it tight as if releasing it would make it disappear.

 

I love you is;

The word ‘stay’ said like a brand burning his skin (like a balm on every single scar and wound he has) when all he has ever done is run, when he has forgotten what it is like to have a place (a person, a family) to call home.

 

I love you is;

Flat words and a grounding hand on the back of his neck when the world begins to blur at the edges and every breath feels like it is being dragged through acid in his throat. It is ‘you are safe’ and ‘you are here’ and coming back to a passive face attached to shoulders lined with tension.

 

I love you is;

Promises made and promises kept –it is knowing when to break them to spare the other pain.

 

I love you is;

A steady gaze that holds you together, offering the same in return.

 

I love you is;

Every yes and every no spoken to make sure, to _be_ sure. It is the first time it doesn’t need to be asked when he rests a hand or a head on his shoulder. It is the fact that certain things will always be a ‘yes or no?’.

 

(I love you is trust he had been so willingly and unknowingly handed, it is knowing there is nothing that could ever happen to make him break it.

It is giving it back in return and realizing he already had it.)

 

I love you is;

Silence on rooftops as smoke fills the air and secrets told to the wind. It is shifting closer as the weather grows colder, close enough to touch but hovering just before. It is the shared space just for them both where words are left unsaid but thoughts flow out as if they were.

 

I love you is;

Kisses that are gentle and kisses that are not, it hands in his hair and hot breath on his neck, it is hands almost touching and foreheads pressed together.

 

I love you is;

Days and nights spent driving on the road, no destination in mind but just because they can. It is streets, and houses, and buildings passing by and left behind as they focus on the future – their future - and what is to come.

 

I love you is;

Letting walls come down around him, that there is no part of him to hide – no part of him that is shameful or worth hiding – that will be judged or looked upon with scorn. It is getting the same response in return.

 

I love you is;

So much more than he expected.

 

I love you is;

What he had never considered for himself – what he was never allowed to consider – but is so glad to have.

 

.

…

…..

…….

…..

…

.

 

(Bonus:

To Andrew I love you was;

A gentle smile with sweet words, false hopes and broken dreams he didn’t know he still had.

 

I love you was;

A reminder of everything he would never have and what would happen if he ever believed it could.

 

I love you was;

A pipedream.

 

. 

 

To Andrew I love you is;

A quiet day with someone who ( _is real, believes, knows_ ) understands while something soft curls around his feet and another sprawls across their laps.

 

I love you is;

The realization that he is no longer living on a countdown and there is one person who is largely the cause of that.

 

I love you is;

Words he won’t say, but knows Neil understands regardless.) 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think any of Andrew's abusers would have ever said 'I love you' to him, I can't help but think that's something only Cass ever said to him, and wonder whether that made it worse or better in his eyes.
> 
> Anyways, sorry if it reads weird -I have never written this way in my life, as if this is some sort of long ass poem instead of a fanfic. Thanks for reading regardless


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